I think I have hit that stage of blogging where I need to share my stories related to every parents favourite subject...POO!!!
We all have our own poop related stories when it comes to our kids. Some are quite tame, some are worrying and some are just downright disgusting and could easily put people off ever having kids!
I have three stories I would like to share with you:
1: CONSTIPATED
This one is not such a fun story. When the twins were just a couple of weeks old they developed constipation. It was a tough time as they were so uncomfortable and there was nothing we could do about it. I did what all new parents do and turned to the most reliable source ever...Google! Google gave us some ideas that we tried including:
1) Gently massaging their stomachs in a clockwise motion
2) Giving them some boiled, cooled down water (which they thought was POISON)
3) Moving their legs in a "cycling" motion to try and stimulate a movement
4) Giving them a warm bath
One that I refused to try though was:
5) sticking a cotton bud up their butthole and giving it a wiggle to try and make the poop move...I am intrigued though...has anyone actually done this and did it work? If so, leave me a comment. I won't judge you. Honest...
Anyway - nothing worked and it was so frustrating. They were in pain, they were screaming and nothing would settle them. I had to take myself out in to the back garden and bang my head against the fence as I had hit the point of going insane! Kate, naturally, handled it much better than I did and she did what all Mam's do...she called her own mother who was there in a flash and, somehow, managed to get them to fall asleep.
We decided that it must be the formula that was doing this so we went against all advice and we changed brands. We switched from "SMA" to "Cow and Gate" and started with their "Comfort" range to see if that helped. It took a couple of days to flush it through their systems but, amazingly, it did the job. We kept them on "Cow and Gate" right through until they were 1 and we never had constipation again.
LESSON LEARNT: It is OK to ignore the professionals and to go against their advice - if you feel you need to do something to help your baby and it isn't too crazy then go for it. Unless it involves sticking cotton buds up their assholes...there is something about that I just find odd!
2. EXPLOSIONS
We've all been there! We have all been the victim of an explosive poop! Thankfully they are usually contained with their nappies and the bits that do escape end up inside their clothes. Sure, it is messy and not nice but through some clever tactics (and usually some teamwork) you can get the clothes off and get the baby cleaned without getting bits all over the place. However, sometimes explosions happen when the baby is naked! Those explosions are something else!
We had one occasion when the twins were around 3 to 4 months old and, in a flip of the first story, had a bout of "the runs". This particular day we went to my parents house and when we got there they had both had poop explosions in the car. We tag teamed so Kate and I took Ruby in to the living room and my parents took Poppy in to the kitchen. We had Ruby on the changing mat and we worked together and as we were finishing up we just heard my Mam say:
"Oh Poppy...what have you done?"
We got finished with Ruby and we went in to the kitchen and our jaws hit the floor...here is the scoop. My parents had decided the easiest way to clean Poppy up would be to put the leaf of the kitchen table up, put the changing mat on and work at that level so they both didn't have to get down on the floor. They cleaned her up and were just about to put her nappy on when Poppy flung her legs in the air and let out an almighty spray of poo! It was everywhere! It was on the cupboards, it was dripping on the floor, it was in the sink, it was all over the chair, it was on my Mam's cardigan, the tiles and my Dad's legs. Needless to say we all just howled with laughter and cleaned it all up together. It's a good memory. A stinking one, but a good one.
LESSON LEARNT: If your baby has the squits don't trust them! Never leave them exposed for even a matter of seconds as they will take every opportunity to spray poop all over your house. If you are dealing with a diarrhoea stage then try your best to get nappies on and off as quick as possible.
3. TIGHTS
This one is grim! One morning when the twins were about a year old I was heading off to work. I was a little ahead of schedule so I didn't have to rush and leave the house and I remember my first appointment of the day was just around the corner from home. I told Kate I would hang around for a bit so she could quickly jump in the shower or get ready or whatever she needed to do. During that time Poppy had a poop. As it was one of my many parental responsibilities I did what I had to do and I changed her. However, the way I did it was not very good. Poppy had a dress on and a pair of tights. I decided, because I am stupid, that the easiest way to get her changed would be to grab her tights at the feet and yank them as hard as I could - but what I didn't know was that the poop had escaped her nappy and was inside said tights. The yanking motion acted as a catapult and literally flung her freshly laid turd directly into my face! I started to shout for Kate:
"Kaaaaaate....It's on my face"
"Kaaaaaate....It's on my lip"
"Kaaaaaate....It's dripping off my eyes"
She appeared and literally wet herself laughing! Like, literally! She was doubled up laughing and peeing herself at the same time whilst I was sat on the floor with poo dripping off my eyelashes! She eventually helped me out and cleaned me up and I had to shower and get changed. Thankfully when I rocked up 20 minutes late to my first appointment of the day she was understanding when I told her I had literally just been shat on!
LESSON LEARNT: Don't trust tights! Ever!
And on that delightful note I will sign off...
Until next time...
The Twiglet's Dad
We all have our own poop related stories when it comes to our kids. Some are quite tame, some are worrying and some are just downright disgusting and could easily put people off ever having kids!
I have three stories I would like to share with you:
1: CONSTIPATED
This one is not such a fun story. When the twins were just a couple of weeks old they developed constipation. It was a tough time as they were so uncomfortable and there was nothing we could do about it. I did what all new parents do and turned to the most reliable source ever...Google! Google gave us some ideas that we tried including:
1) Gently massaging their stomachs in a clockwise motion
2) Giving them some boiled, cooled down water (which they thought was POISON)
3) Moving their legs in a "cycling" motion to try and stimulate a movement
4) Giving them a warm bath
One that I refused to try though was:
5) sticking a cotton bud up their butthole and giving it a wiggle to try and make the poop move...I am intrigued though...has anyone actually done this and did it work? If so, leave me a comment. I won't judge you. Honest...
Anyway - nothing worked and it was so frustrating. They were in pain, they were screaming and nothing would settle them. I had to take myself out in to the back garden and bang my head against the fence as I had hit the point of going insane! Kate, naturally, handled it much better than I did and she did what all Mam's do...she called her own mother who was there in a flash and, somehow, managed to get them to fall asleep.
We decided that it must be the formula that was doing this so we went against all advice and we changed brands. We switched from "SMA" to "Cow and Gate" and started with their "Comfort" range to see if that helped. It took a couple of days to flush it through their systems but, amazingly, it did the job. We kept them on "Cow and Gate" right through until they were 1 and we never had constipation again.
LESSON LEARNT: It is OK to ignore the professionals and to go against their advice - if you feel you need to do something to help your baby and it isn't too crazy then go for it. Unless it involves sticking cotton buds up their assholes...there is something about that I just find odd!
2. EXPLOSIONS
We've all been there! We have all been the victim of an explosive poop! Thankfully they are usually contained with their nappies and the bits that do escape end up inside their clothes. Sure, it is messy and not nice but through some clever tactics (and usually some teamwork) you can get the clothes off and get the baby cleaned without getting bits all over the place. However, sometimes explosions happen when the baby is naked! Those explosions are something else!
We had one occasion when the twins were around 3 to 4 months old and, in a flip of the first story, had a bout of "the runs". This particular day we went to my parents house and when we got there they had both had poop explosions in the car. We tag teamed so Kate and I took Ruby in to the living room and my parents took Poppy in to the kitchen. We had Ruby on the changing mat and we worked together and as we were finishing up we just heard my Mam say:
"Oh Poppy...what have you done?"
We got finished with Ruby and we went in to the kitchen and our jaws hit the floor...here is the scoop. My parents had decided the easiest way to clean Poppy up would be to put the leaf of the kitchen table up, put the changing mat on and work at that level so they both didn't have to get down on the floor. They cleaned her up and were just about to put her nappy on when Poppy flung her legs in the air and let out an almighty spray of poo! It was everywhere! It was on the cupboards, it was dripping on the floor, it was in the sink, it was all over the chair, it was on my Mam's cardigan, the tiles and my Dad's legs. Needless to say we all just howled with laughter and cleaned it all up together. It's a good memory. A stinking one, but a good one.
LESSON LEARNT: If your baby has the squits don't trust them! Never leave them exposed for even a matter of seconds as they will take every opportunity to spray poop all over your house. If you are dealing with a diarrhoea stage then try your best to get nappies on and off as quick as possible.
3. TIGHTS
This one is grim! One morning when the twins were about a year old I was heading off to work. I was a little ahead of schedule so I didn't have to rush and leave the house and I remember my first appointment of the day was just around the corner from home. I told Kate I would hang around for a bit so she could quickly jump in the shower or get ready or whatever she needed to do. During that time Poppy had a poop. As it was one of my many parental responsibilities I did what I had to do and I changed her. However, the way I did it was not very good. Poppy had a dress on and a pair of tights. I decided, because I am stupid, that the easiest way to get her changed would be to grab her tights at the feet and yank them as hard as I could - but what I didn't know was that the poop had escaped her nappy and was inside said tights. The yanking motion acted as a catapult and literally flung her freshly laid turd directly into my face! I started to shout for Kate:
"Kaaaaaate....It's on my face"
"Kaaaaaate....It's on my lip"
"Kaaaaaate....It's dripping off my eyes"
She appeared and literally wet herself laughing! Like, literally! She was doubled up laughing and peeing herself at the same time whilst I was sat on the floor with poo dripping off my eyelashes! She eventually helped me out and cleaned me up and I had to shower and get changed. Thankfully when I rocked up 20 minutes late to my first appointment of the day she was understanding when I told her I had literally just been shat on!
LESSON LEARNT: Don't trust tights! Ever!
And on that delightful note I will sign off...
Until next time...
The Twiglet's Dad
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